OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
