they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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