Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize