I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
