is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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