Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
