he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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