Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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