I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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