Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
