I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
