I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
