Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize