I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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