I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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