Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
