I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
