Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think a kid would responsible me up
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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