if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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