so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
