why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize