I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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