mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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