i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
