Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
