my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
