No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have feelings that need drinking.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
