It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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