when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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