This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
