Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
