Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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