dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
