if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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