TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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