Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
