Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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