It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You pole danced in your parka.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
