bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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