I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
