we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
