I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
