The maid of honor just puked.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
