Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
