R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
