They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
