last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
