Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
