apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
