Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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