I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
