If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
