the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
