I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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