There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
