You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
