I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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