Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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