a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
