So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize