Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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