just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
