I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
