And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
