You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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