You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He did a backflip because drugs
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
