Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
